Did you just call me a suspect for murdering Herman
Mildew? There is no way I could have ever killed Mildew; he was my dear editor
and a friend. Yes, even after he ripped my book into pieces in public and declared
how he lost faith in writers after reading my book. No, I did not hate him AT
ALL.
His death is to be lamented. In fact, I believe that
many of his writers are holding some festivals to mourn for his death. Yes, he
was that much loved. You know you were a wonderful editor when millions of writers
worldwide create a holiday just for you. In fact, I am guessing I will be
attending to some of the events; I received about two hundred and ten
invitation letters relating to Mildew’s death. Some even says how there will be
disco dancing involved. I am quite appalled by how time has passed. These young
writers nowadays employ “modern dancing” into funeral events. I believe it
helps to extinguish the sorrow feelings. I must admit, they are very
thoughtful.
What was I doing the night Mildew was murdered? Oh,
I was very busy that night. I can prove to you that committing a murder was
impossible for me. After I came back from work at five in the afternoon, I was changing
the light bulb in my house. To be slightly more precise, light bulbs, for I
replaced more than one. Are you asking me why I decided to change them all at
once? You are a very inquisitive person.
Well, it all started when Mildew visited my house
the day before his death to complain about my newly published work, He Slipped in the Bathroom. Have you
read it yet? I must say, it is a masterpiece. No, it is not a comedy, it is a
mystery novel. Well, Mildew said how it lacked coherence. He said how the
victim could not die from electrocution, and how the crime would not have
worked in real life. I strongly objected to the idea, and he told me that he
would prove me wrong and left the room to go to the bathroom. The next minute,
I heard multiple glasses breaking. No sir, I did not kill Mildew using the
trick I used inside the novel. I would not be telling you this story if I was
the culprit. Now, shall we go back to business? Good. So I slowly entered the room
to find Mildew standing in middle of the dark room covered in shattered
glasses! I do not know how he managed to break all ten light bulbs in the room,
but he succeeded. Looking very furious, he told me that the situation I was
looking at was the realistic outcome of my novel. Then he left my house.
Yes, he was a generous person. He chose to cover
himself up in dangerous pieces of glass in order to teach me a life-long
lesson. What I got out of it? I learned the importance of confirming each trick
before writing it down. He was my true friend. I just wished that he paid for
all the light bulbs, though.
In fact, if you are looking for the true criminal, I
know a man who wanted to kill him. Do you know that man with the bold head and
with an astounded look on his face? What was his name…. Oh yes, Mr. Jon
Scieszka. You should definitely check him out. Oh, and don’t forget to buy He Slipped in the Bathroom. It is
underpriced, it only costs one-twenty five, but it will soon become a modern
classic.
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